BLM Fredericksburg: When Real Life is Funnier than Satire

It's true indeed that sometimes no attempt at satire can top reality.

Case in point: the demands of Black Lives Matter on the city of Fredericksburg, VA. Via Fredericksburg Today, along with some attempts at translation:

"BLACK LIVES MATTER FXBG"Round 1: Reform Demands; FXBG PD
"All demands are to be met within one quarter (3 months) starting July 1st, 2020
"The City of Fredericksburg is being asked by Black Lives Matter FXBG to make immediate changes in reform.
{Translation: We're making you an offer you can't refuse.]

The first round of reforms include:
"Integration with Fredericksburg City decision making process, we are demanding a ‘seat at the table”, where city officials partake in high level discussion in regards to decision making concerning the city of Fredericksburg. Black Lives Matter Fredericksburg (BLMFXBG) wants to be present at high level meetings serving as a community-led governing body for the city of Fredericksburg and as the voice for the demands of the people. Black Lives Matter Fredericksburg (BLMFXBG) is a talented, diverse and aware group that is deeply connected to the Fredericksburg community and city. Black Lives Matter Fredericksburg (BLMFXBG) is committed to long lasting effective change not only within the Fredericksburg Police Department but within all present systems within the city. We are dedicated to working with the City and FXBGPD in hopes of Fredericksburg being a national example for reform and change. We demand that the people have power in how the city operates going forward.
[Translation: We've just elected ourselves mayor and city council.}


"Black Lives Matter Fredericksburg (BLMFXBG) wants a complete overhaul on police training and police proficiency. These demands will come in sessions to allow proper and timely change to be made.
[Translation: Our first act as mayor and city council is to appoint ourselves chief of police.]

"The first three goals for police training are as follows:
"Community Building: the key to a strong community always begins with long lasting, authentic relationships. We demand that officers at every level partake in weekly community outreach where trust between the people and police is in desperate need of rebuilding. Officers are to ask the community what needs are not being met and attentively listen to their concerns for bettering their community. Trust requires transparency, conversation, and genuine attempts to know the community in all ways. Officers MUST be unarmed during these visits in efforts to foster trust and accountability.
[Translation: We're converting the police into a social agency and officers into social workers.]

"Officers must also have a summary report made for every end of shift on a monthly basis regarding community service involving public interaction; in summary officers must report items of concern, conversations had, time frame of time spent, and follow up visits needed to be made if any. Training for these community visits will be weekly following protocol by a trained and licensed social worker/educator/ and/or someone who is trained in community engagement and outreach.

The longevity we find appropriate is a six month period. The time we are demanding does not replace the time people have lost with their loved ones who have been murdered in the hands of police brutality or wrongfully detained under racial profiling and systemic rascim. The time we demand is time which officers can build relationships with their community.
[Translation: We're going to demand to be paid for training the officers/trainees for social work and paperwork. Or someone we designate.]

"Compassion Training: Cadet training needs to encompass 20% of compassion training into their curriculum with a trained professional in either counseling/therapy or social work not affiliated with the FXBG PD. Black Lives Matter Fredericksburg (BLMFXBG) is aimed at reforming not only the police policy and procedures, but also the city’s approach and perspective on mental health and response to crisis. Culturally responsive de-escalation tactics will be incorporated into compassion training with a licensed professional not affiliated with the FXBG PD. This is to remain unbiased and as transparent as possible.
[Translation: More social work. More paperwork. More training you will pay us for.]

"Extended duration of Police Academy Training: Black Lives Matter Fredericksburg (BLMFXBG) proposes that the incoming class of recruits have an extended training duration. Training must be at a minimum of 1 year with a curriculum overhaul including an emphasis on ethics, multicultural courses, a required African American History class, and at least one course in abnormal psychology and/or childhood development.
[Translation: Now we want you to pay us to provide classes on wokeness.]

"BLMFXBG demands to see documentation proving the formation of these initiatives by July 11, 2020.
[Translation: Show us the money.]

"3. The city of Fredericksburg wants a sincere apology from the Chief of Police from both Stafford, Fredericksburg and Spotsy, as well as Mayor Greenlaw in a press release for utter and complete disregard of the citizens of the city who were tear gassed in their homes, and on the Falmouth bridge stuck in their cars.
"The deadline for this apology is June 18, 2020.
[Translation: Once you've all admitted your guilt, we can start demanding resignations and replacements we approve.]

"This concludes the first round of demands from BLMFXBG as a first step initiative towards reform and long lasting effective change for the City of Fredericksburg.
[Translation: You think THIS was something. Wait until you get to round 2.]

"Unapologetically Black,
"Black Lives Matter Fredericksburg"