It would not be proper, for some reasons, to trouble the reader with the particulars of our adventures; let it suffice to inform him/her/zim, that in our passage through the treacherous waters of modern-day politicks, we were driven by violent storms to the South-East up the Avenue of Penn’s Woods to a large edifice upon a Hill.
When we arrived, I attempted to speak, but was not able to utter a word: for, as I happened to sit at my table, I found my words were strongly countered on all sides. I could only stare upwards in disbelief; the camera lights began to grow hot, and the sound offended my ears.
I heard a confused noise about me; in a little time I saw some things alive sitting at a sort of dais; when, bending my eyes upwards, I perceived it to be a political creature not six inches high in reputation and skills (and not much more in actual stature), with a oratorical bow and arrow in his hands, and a quiver at his back.
In the mean time, I perceived several more of the same kind (as I conjectured) following the first. I was in the utmost astonishment, and answered so calmly and intelligently, that they in turn fell silent; and some of them, as I was afterwards told, were hurt with the effort of trying to understand my simple reasoning.
However, one of them, lifting up his hands and eyes by way of condemnation, cried out in a nasal but distinct voice, “Face coverings!” the others repeated the same words several times, but then I knew not what they meant.
I sat all this while, as the reader may believe, in great uneasiness. At length, struggling to get a word in edgewise, I had the fortune to break through the noise, and wrench out the demagoguery that fastened to the questioners.
Whereupon there was a great shout in a very shrill accent, and after it ceased I heard one of them cry aloud “Systemic racism.” I thought it the most prudent method to sit still, and my design was to continue so till noon, when, I felt, I could easily excuse myself: and as for the combatants, I had reason to believe I might be a match for the greatest army they could bring against me, if they were all of the same limited brainpower with him that I saw.
But fortune disposed otherwise of me. That one of them, who seemed to be a person of obesity, made me a long speech, whereof I understood not one syllable. But I should have mentioned, that before the principal person began his oration, he cried out for some inexplicable reason, “Shame on you!” (these words and the former were afterwards repeated and explained to me).
He appeared to be of an older age, and shorter than any of the others who attended him, and seemed to be barely longer than my middle finger (which I several times considered extending) IQ-wise. He acted every part of an orator, and I could observe many periods of threatenings. I answered in a few words, but in the most submissive manner, lifting up my left hand, and both my eyes to the camera lights, as calling him for a witness; and being almost famished with hunger, having not eaten a morsel for some hours before I left the Avenue, I found the demands of nature so strong upon me, that I could not forbear showing my impatience (perhaps against the strict rules of decency) by asking for a recess, to signify that I wanted food.
The Chairman (for so they call a great lord, as I afterwards learnt) understood me very well. He condescended from the stage, and commanded that I nevertheless continue.
When in an instant I felt above a hundred rhetorical arrows discharged on my left ear, which, pricked me like so many needles; and besides, they shot another flight into the air, as rioters do bombs in Portland, whereof many, I suppose, fell on my presence, (though I felt them not). When this shower of words was over, I fell a smirking with exasperation and annoyance; and then striving again to get a response in, they discharged another volley larger than the first, and some of them attempted with spears of feigned indignation to stick me in the sides; but by good luck I had on a modicum of logic, which they could not pierce.
After some time, there appeared before me a person of some congressional rank. Her “excellency” spoke about five minutes without any signs of anger, but with a kind of false prosecutorial-style resolution, often leaning forwards. I answered in few words, but to no purpose. It appeared that she understood me well enough, for she shook her head by way of disapprobation, and held her head in a posture to show that I must be silent as if a prisoner, and actually accused me of disrespect.
I confess I was often tempted, while they were passing backwards and forwards over my attempts to answer their feeble inquiries, to seize four or five of the mental dwarfs that came in my reach, and dash them against the ground. But the remembrance of what I had felt, which probably might not be the worst they could do, and the promise of honour I made them—for so I interpreted my oath—soon drove out these imaginations.
Besides, I now considered myself as bound by the laws of decorum, not to these but to an American people who had entrusted me with so much authority and responsibility. However, in my thoughts I could not sufficiently wonder at the intrepidity of these diminutive minds, who durst venture to mount and speak over my answers, without trembling at the very sight of so prodigious an intellect as I must appear to them.
Soon after I heard a general shout, with frequent repetitions of the words “peaceful protesters;” and I perceived great numbers of people on my left side releasing nonsense words to such a degree that I was certain they were posturing for the evening news. These circumstances, added to the harassment I had received, disposed me to leave. I endured about eight news cycles of condemnation; and it was no wonder, for the news media, by the chairman’s example, had mingled sleepy and repetitive talking points into their coverage.
Photo Credit: DonkeyHotey CC BY 2.0, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode, caricature combined with public domain
Major League Baseball Promotes “Unity” By Supporting Organization that Calls for “Burning Down the System”
New York, NY July 24, 2020 – Players, coaches and teams across all 30 Major League Baseball teams engaged in a show of “unity” through a series of gestures, videos, advertisements that promoted an organization that has pledged to “burn down this system” “(i)f this country doesn’t give us what we want.”
MLB spokesperson Yagota B. Kidding stated, “The leadership, owners, players and coaches of organized baseball believe that the best way to bring all Americans together at this difficult time is to express our support for an organization that:
Continued Kidding, “MLB believes everyone will come together (especially MLB’s 83% white TV fan base) behind the healing, unifying platform and ‘demands’ of Black Lives Matter and the ‘partner organization’ with which it is part of a ‘collective,’ the Movement for Black Lives (M4BL), such as:
-“a ‘national defunding of police’ and the ‘systemic racism’ and ‘culture of corruption’ they represents (such as the officers who provide security at every MLB game)’
-“’disrupt(ing) the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure’
-“’build(ing) a space that… is free from sexism, misogyny, and environments in which men (like, for example, 100% of MLB players) are centered’
-“’the retroactive decriminalization, immediate release, and record expungement of all drug related offenses and prostitution’
-“’a divestment from industrial multinational use of fossil fuels (that light and power every MLB ballpark)’
-“’overturn(ing) US imperialism, capitalism (in other words, the way all 30 owners make money and finance our operations) and white supremacy’
-“denouncing Israel as ‘an apartheid state,’ a position that especially delights the nearly one dozen Jewish owners of MLB franchises
-“investments (paid for by higher taxes on our comparatively upscale fan base) in the education, health and safety of Black people… (that) include:
Concluded Kidding, “We’re looking forward to inspiring all our fans looking for a diversion from an epidemic and race riots during these troubling times with more shaming of their ‘white privilege’ and in-your-face ‘wokeness’ honoring this inexplicably popular movement that is committed to driving up their taxes and destroying their way of life.”
Photo credit: Slgckgc (CC BY 2.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode
Check out Bob Maistros' latest wisdom in Issues & Insights.
(Nancy and Chuckie outside the Capitol building.)
Nancy: Hey, Chuckie.
Chuckie: Hi, Nancy.
Nancy: How’s it goin’ in the Senate?
Chuckie: Looks like our way. How about the House side?
Nancy: Same here. [Rubs her head in pain] But shoo, boy.
Chuckie: What’s the matter?
Nancy: Eh, my brain hurts. You know that Chinese Wuhan virus?
Chuckie: The one you renamed after Trump?
Nancy: Yeah. So back in January and February, Trump’s shutting down travel to China and Europe, convening task forces, declaring national emergencies.
And meanwhile, your Mayor DiBlasio and I are telling everyone not to worry about the virus, to go out and have a good time.
Then it spreads like wildfire across the country, mostly out of New York City. 140-some thousand people dead. O-U-U-CH.
Chuckie: I know what you mean.
Nancy: I HATE when that happens. And the worst part…
Chuckie and Nancy together: IT’S ALL TRUMP’s FAULT.
Chuckie: Boy. You wanna talk about pain? Like when we Democrats all start complaining that Trump isn’t doing enough about the virus. And we goad him into shutting down the country for 15 days and the stock market craters. And we goad him some more into extending it to 45 days and the ENTIRE ECONOMY craters. 30 million people are out of work.
Nancy: Ooooh-wee. That really smarted.
Chuckie: Yeah. I HATE when that happens. And the worst part…
Chuckie and Nancy together: IT’S ALL TRUMP’s FAULT.
Nancy: You know what I hate?
Nancy: When we Democrats capitalize the economic crisis from the virus and shutdown, and we make all these demands. Permanent paid national sick leave, a massive forever expansion of the Family Leave Act, lots of new goodies. And then settle for $1200 checks to everyone and huge unemployment payments, including a $600 monthly federal bonus. People are making more for not working.
Chuckie: And then, when we try to re-open, nobody wants to go back to work.
Nancy: You got it. That's like -- yeow! -- agonizin' for business owners and the economy.
I HATE when that happens. And the worst part…
Chuckie and Nancy together: IT’S ALL TRUMP’s FAULT.
Chuckie: I’ll tell you what else.
Nancy: What else?
Chuckie: When like corona's killing all these people in my state. And Trump sends Andy Cuomo a hospital ship he doesn’t use, builds him an Army hospital he barely uses. Instead, Andy sends sick people to nursing homes, 32,000 people die – more than six times as many as in Florida, despite its bigger population.
But the virus has run its course in New York and is rising in Florida, and even though cases and death rates there are still way lower, Andy’s now a big hero.
Even Fauci’s saying Andy handled the virus right. With 32,000 dead! It's killing me because I can't stand that guy.
Nancy: Me either.
Chuckie: So I HATE when that happens. And the worst part is…
Chuckie and Nancy together: IT’S ALL TRUMP’s FAULT.
Nancy: How about this: like when we’ve been all over Trump about testing, testing, testing. For months.
Chuckie: Yeah. So?
Nancy: So, now we get testing out the wazoo. Everybody’s getting tested. And you know what? We get more “cases.”
Chuckie: Mm hmm.
Nancy: And because there are so many tests, there are these backlogs, and they’re getting dumped into the reporting system. So we get all these “record” days of cases and deaths, and the media is like reporting them like it all happened in the last 24 hours when they could have been weeks earlier.
Nancy: So we don’t really know the state of the virus, but the media going hysterical and teachers don’t want to reopen schools and everyone’s fighting about masks.
Chuckie: Which is good for us.
Nancy: Yeah. Except it’s also scaring everybody to death and making all these governors and localities shut things down again, and making businesses switch from furloughing people to permanently laying them off. And people are missing mortgage and other payments. Crippling the economy for like maybe years.
Chuckie: Which is bad.
Nancy: I know. I HATE when that happens. And the worst part is…
Chuckie and Nancy together: IT’S ALL TRUMP’s FAULT.
Chuckie: You know what’s really excruciating?
Chuckie: Like when all of our complaining – and we’ve been at it again about testing and more stimulus and the President’s briefings – it really starts to take hold.
Chuckie: Yeah. Everybody thinks it IS all Trump’s fault. And you know Fox News?
Nancy: Uh huh. I despise those guys. Especially that Hannity. He keeps calling me names and claiming AOC runs things.
Chuckie: I know. Except even they just did a poll and it shows Joe Biden way, way up on Trump. And it’s all because we got Americans thinking Trump’s screwing up coronavirus.
Nancy: Biden? Way up? Sleepy Joe, who falls asleep on Zoom calls and misreads teleprompters?
Chuckie: Yeah. Disastrous, right?
Nancy: Except that means I get to run everything again and pass huge Nanny State-growing bills that only I know what’s in, like the 2009 stimulus and Obamacare. Only now the public option and a huge climate plan and free stuff for everybody.
Nancy: I LOVE it when that happens. And you know the BEST part… in a way …
Chuckie and Nancy together: IT’S ALL TRUMP’s FAULT.
Caricature Credits: “DonkeyHotey,” CC BY 2.0C BY 2.0, https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
I can’t believe it’s nearly the end of July, and I’m losing to that f’ing plagiarist vegetable moron, Joe Biden.
“He read the directions from staff on a friggin’ notecard at a press conference… he doesn’t know where he is or who he’s talking to … he can’t finish a thought in interviews. All this from a guy who was a gaffe machine BEFORE he started going senile. And Fox News says people think I lack the mental soundness to be President?”
“He basically agreed with the concept of defunding police and called cops ‘the enemy.’ He said black people who don’t support him ‘ain’t black,’ and 10 to 15 percent of Americans are no good. We got him cold on framing Flynn.
“He let two Socialists and Fauxcohontas write his nutcase platform. He’s basically bought into the Green New Deal and Medicare-for-All, no matter how he’s whittled them around the edges. Free college, student-loan forgiveness, free preschool, you name it.
“Sleepy Joe’s never won anything, he’s a complete whack job, and so is his platform that three-quarters of Americans wouldn’t buy for a minute if they were in their right mind.
“But Americans aren’t in their right minds. No one can get a handle on this f-ing Chinese virus, no one knows if they are going to be locked down again and whether they’re going to have a job in 10 minutes. Then on top of that, some cop puts his knee on a black repeat offender’s neck and there’s rioting in the streets, people don’t know what they’re allowed to say or what they’re allowed to like.
“Voters are in a state of hysteria because these problems and anxieties are real, the media is whipping up that fear, the Democrats are capitalizing on it to stymie me at every turn, and they’re all turning around and telling voters to blame me. And it’s working.
“And my own government is piling on. I made donkey-eared Fauci a household name, and he repays me by dumping on me – not to mention that clown Redfield, his failed CDC and his mask fetish designed to embarrass me. In fact, that’s where my troubles started: I trusted Donkey Ears, Debbie Birx and their ridiculous numbers from that sanctimonious, duplicitous twit from Imperial. Their shutdown – supposedly 15 freaking days! – trashed my beautiful economy and beautiful job numbers, and empowered my enemies, and for what?
“We have more deaths than anywhere in the world – although I can 100% guarantee those numbers are cooked, I just can’t prove it – and the virus is supposedly still going crazy even though the death rate is falling. Which makes liberals and public health bureaucrats call for shutdowns everywhere again, with the fake news media echoing it as they update their hysterical coverage every five minutes.
“These blue state governors basically have the balance of power in their hands. Their lockdowns can keep a damper on recovery. They can keep me from having rallies. They can call for Democratic cheat fests in the form of mail-in voting and worse, vote-harvesting. The more we test, the more case numbers rise – although I think that’s fake news, too – and the more they can squeeze, and push for red states like Texas and Florida to do the same.
“I could have been the voice of reason in all this. We could have been Sweden. We could have kept the economy going, I could have been the one whose Justice Department was keeping state governors from lowering the hammer and depriving people of their rights to move around, make a living and go to church.
“But I went interventionist, and if Obama had done half of what I did – ignored the experts and shut down travel to China and Europe, gotten manufacturers to turn on a dime and produce PPE and ventilators, sent help to hots spots -- Chris Christie-types would be licking his feet on national TV and the media would be hailing him as a hero.
“Now donkey-ears Fauci and the media are saying that friggin’ clown Cuomo is the one who handled the virus right! I sent him that friggin’ ship and build the Javits Center hospital, and he sends old people to their deaths in nursing homes and he’s the hero? If the whole nation had his state’s death rate per 100,000, we’d be over half a mil dead.
“The irony is, I want what the American people want: a strong and free economy with lots of jobs, a trade deal with China, order in the streets and this whole defunding nonsense brought to heel, the craziness in the Democratic platform prevented. This election should 100% be a referendum on a far-out platform and a far-gone candidate.
“But I’ve got the worst of all worlds – the economy still sucks, the virus is out of control, fixing either of them is out of my control, and the same Fox News poll says that’s what it’s all coming down to.
“I’m f-ed. Completely and totally f-ed, and only got one weapon left. Let’s see: what totally unrelated to anything, offensive Tweet can I post now?”
Photo Credit: Michael Vadon / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0) (cropped)
“Good morning, colleagues, and welcome to today’s required training. I hope you’ve all read and considered our required reading, White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo. Today we’ll begin by reviewing the author’s basic concept:
“White people in North America live in a social environment that protects and insulates them from race-based stress …. Whites are often at a loss for how to respond in constructive ways, as we have not had to build the cognitive or affective skills or develop the stamina that that would allow for constructive engagement across racial divides, leading to what I refer to as White Fragility. White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves.”
“Ms. Chief, do you think it’s right to attribute a pejorative quality to all people of a single race? Isn’t that racial stereotyping, which we’re taught to avoid at all costs? And isn’t it just as offensive when it is forwarded by a white person?”
“Well, the author does allow that poor and working class urban whites can be less racially insulated than suburban or rural whites and have less racial stress.”
“Well, what if a middle-class white person’s parent had been brought up in a mixed racial environment, regularly invited blacks into their home, interacted with them as equals, and conditioned his children to do the same? Can you see how the generalization, also in critical race theory, that all whites have to determine not whether, but how they are racist, is unfair?”
“And isn’t this notion that something’s emotionally wrong with people with ‘improper’ ideas what they did to Soviet dissidents, who were actually institutionalized? Terms like ‘white fragility’ and especially ‘homophobia,’ which is a psychological term, feel like ‘hate speech.’”
“I don’t think you’re getting into the spirit of things here, and are keeping others from understanding and accepting these concepts. Remember, you’re required to get a passing grade in this training. Let’s move on to our first video.”
Video: Middle-aged white male leading a business discussion.
Jim: “We’re preparing to launch our new line, with a special emphasis on reaching communities of color. Aleesha, I’m wondering if you could share some perspectives of product attributes we could bring out in this campaign.”
Aleesha: “Why are you asking me? Is it because I’m black? Don’t you realize that implying I might have some special insight into communities of color because of my race is offensive?”
“So class, any thoughts on why Jim’s actions were improper?”
“Why? Haven’t we been told diversity improves decision-making by bringing in a variety of perspectives, like Jim was seeking? Diversity’s also supposed to improve productivity, but it seems Jim’s the only one trying to get something done. Everyone else in these videos is caught up in some ‘microaggression.’”
“Joe, once again, you’re keeping others from increasing their sensitivity. Now our second video.”
Video: Jane walks into the conference room as Jim prepares for a meeting.
Jim: “Hi, Jane. My, you’re looking sharp today. That’s a striking outfit.”
June: “Jim, there you go commenting on a woman’s appearance. Don’t you know that’s a form of harassment? I’m of a mind to report this latest incident on Jane’s behalf.”
“So why is Jim’s action in this instance wrong?”
“Again, I don’t get it. Like so many professional women, especially on TV these days, Jane’s wearing a form-fitting, sleeveless shift with plenty of skin showing, including some cleavage. Plus she’s wearing heels and is cherry red lipstick. All designed to make her attractive to men. There wouldn’t be offense if June had made that comment. Isn’t that discrimination?”
“Joe, you are endangering your passing grade in this course, and others’. Let’s go to our third video.”
Video: Jim talking to a female colleague in a café.
Jim: “I just don’t get how I’m supposed to deal with this new person in our department. It’s a he who wants to be considered a she named Chelsea, and be referred to as xe, xem and xyr. It makes me uncomfortable.”
Morgan: “Shouldn’t you just let xem decide what xe wants to be called? And isn’t the important thing that xe is a good worker?”
“Folks, what about Jim’s discomfort at Chelsea?”
“Might not a lot of people – including Jim’s other employees and customers – be uncomfortable being confronted with a he that wants to be a she called xe? You’re forcing speech and thought patterns, not to mention employees, on people who might be genuinely offended. In some situations, couldn’t that be considered religious discrimination? Plus, why is the white male manager always the bad guy in these videos?”
“Meanwhile, If Jim doesn’t conform, he could be suspended, fired and canceled. Isn’t the whole concept of anti-bias training where people must give ‘right’ answers to disputable issues fundamentally wrong? Not to mention bad for business when people are hounded into groupthink by threats to employment or advancement?”
“Joe, aren’t you tired of retaking this training? You’re about to flunk for the third time.”
“Why is it I think I’m not the one flunking?”
“Zzzz... snort! Bernie Sanders… AOC… taking over the Democratic platform… Socialism!”
“Hey. Conservative Pundit. Wake up! You’re having a nightmare.”
“Huh? Who? Andrew Breitbart!”
“In the spirit. I came back to address this specter of socialism you conservatives are freaking about. You’ve got the right idea – but the wrong ‘ism.’ Your first challenge is ‘feminism.’”
“You heard me. Remember ‘'The Breitbart Doctrine: politics is downstream from culture.’ Classic socialism means controlling the ‘commanding heights of the economy.’ Well, feminism, correctly understood, is controlling, and toppling, the commanding heights of the ‘patriarchy,' as they call it – academia, entertainment, business, and from that, politics.”
“What do you mean, ‘correctly understood?’”
“Feminism isn’t actually about sexual equality. It’s systematically strengthening females at the expense of males, who are reconditioned to think, speak and act like women. You know what Arnold used to call such types, before he went squish: ‘girlie men.’ I think the fashionable term now is ‘pajama boys.’”
“So how is feminism moving downstream from culture to politics?”
“Well, take America’s three biggest issues. First, this novel conception of ‘systemic racism.’ It has nothing to do with old perspectives on racism, and it’s a Trojan Horse for radical feminism.”
“Rod Dreher just spelled it all out for you: ‘critical race theory’ adherents posit every white person as either ‘racist’ or ‘antiracist’….‘There is no in-between safe space of not racist.’”
“So now all whites must practice paralyzing self-introspection searching for ‘implicit bias,’ 24/7/365, not to determine if they’re racist, but how.”
“What does that have to do with feminism?”
“C’mon… who behaves this way? Women, and girlie men cowed into finding their inner ‘White ‘Fragility.’ It’s the socio-political self-consciousness equivalent of ‘does this dress make me look fat?’ Except it’s ‘does my whiteness make me racist?’ It’s emotionalized pseudoscience.”
“A subsidiary, equally feminized concept is ‘microaggression.’ Which is ‘grownup’ for ‘he hit me!’ Dreher relayed a whine from a recent West Point valedictorian, Joy Schaeffer: ‘I graduated without an understanding of how to identify and call out microaggressions.’”
“To which Dreher responded: ‘I can’t quit laughing at the idea that a person who went to the US Military Academy to be trained in the fine art of making war is bitching because they didn’t teach her how to spot microaggressions.’”
“That is pretty funny.”
“Not at all. We shouldn’t be laughing – we should be lamenting the military’s feminization. Its chiefs recoiled at Trump’s notion of defending citizens from rioters – and instead indulged in a paroxysm of namby-pamby ‘antiracist’ navel-gazing, like calling for ‘an environment where people feel comfortable expressing grievances’ – microaggressions! – and comforting of colleagues ‘in deep pain right now.’ Let me kiss it and make it better!”
“I’m starting to get it. What else?”
“Let’s dig a little deeper. Who’s behind Black Lives Matters? Three female ‘radical organizers’ – seeking to ‘build a space that affirms Black women and is free from sexism, misogyny, and environments in which men are centered’ and ‘disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement.’ As I said: a Trojan Horse for radical feminism.”
“How do we stop that?”
“I’ll get to that, but realize how deeply these objectives are already established in black communities. Abortion – feminists’ politics-defining, marriage-wrecking wedge issue – is disproportionately a black phenomenon. And nowhere is feminism’s icon more prevalent: the single mother married to the state. Go back and look at Obama’s Julia ad.”
“The result? Fatherless, disempowered black males, with sub-60% high-school graduation rates and, as predicted decades ago by Daniel Moynihan, far greater propensity to engage in criminality – and thereby come into the path of police. Of course there’s still racist behavior by businesses and cops, but by-and-large, those are the real issues behind what most people have in mind upon hearing the term “systemic racism. And they’re fruits of feminism.”
“I thought BLM was all about ‘defunding the police.’”
“Well, that diatribe is also feminist to the core. Who would replace the nearly 90% male police force? Social workers: 80+% women.”
“You’re blowing my mind.”
“I’m just getting warmed up. Let’s get to issue two: the coronavirus response. Yes, COVID-19 can be devastating. But no society before this feminized, zero-risk culture ever forced a universal lockdown.”
“AKA: a national ‘time-out.’”
“So governments turned into mothers and kindergarten teachers.”
“The foils of limit-pushing males everywhere. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the foremost shutdown tyrants are female governors in Michigan and Maine – and metrosexual chiefs in jurisdictions like Virginia, California, and New “Nipple Ring” York? ‘Stay home, stay safe. Mommy knows best.’”
“And who’s most adamantly against reopening? Teachers unions – representing a profession that, at the elementary school level with practically zero risk to children, is 89% female.”
“I can hardly wait for issue three.”
“Here it is: the real spectacle being mislabeled ‘socialism,’ government’s uncontrolled growth. The ‘no-risk’ response to coronavirus has driven an unthinkable $3 trillion deficit – chump change compared to the true Democratic platform of the ‘Green New Deal,’ ‘Medicare for All’ and other free stuff, and open borders.”
“And that relates to feminism…”
“In two words: ‘Nanny State,’ as politics follows culture. We’ve raised up unserious female politicians – the Squad plus Elizabeth Warren – and girlie men like Uncle Bernie. And they are pushing nonsense, unaffordable ‘plans’ destroying male-dominated institutions and driving “Julia”-style dependency.”
“Think about what Vito Corleone warned Michael: ‘Women and children can be careless, but not men.’ He and the ‘men with a belly’ of his day, across society, would have instantly dismissed careless absurdities endangering not only lives but also livelihoods.
"Yet that’s the entire purpose of the feminist movement now playing out via ‘systemic racism,’ COVID and the Nanny State: pursue inane ideas tearing down everything built by males, replaced by female power structures.”
“So that’s what this election is all about?”
“You conservatives need to look beyond this election, which could be shaping up into a rout. However it goes, Donald Trump, the last refuge of real men unafraid to call silliness by its name, will soon either be retired or an especially lame duck, and is missing the real issues anyway.”
“You need a long-term, multi-front counter-strategy, and to man up as latter-day ‘men with a belly’ to drive it forward – not just keep hiding behind the skirts of conservative ‘mama grizzlies.’”
“So what’s that strategy?”
“Do you folks not watch Tucker Carlson? He’s made it clear: helping people realize their dreams of getting married and raising families is America’s number one issue. And closely connected to it: prioritizing business formation.”
“Pragmatist Mitch Daniels nailed one thing: having every American child raised in a two-parent home would solve three-quarters of our real problems. Wealth gaps. Public health. Educational attainment. Crime. Even abortion, rare among married women.”
“And from a purely Machiavellian political perspective, the real gender gap in voting and society is between single and hitched females. You need more of the latter.”
“What actions could achieve those goals?”
“First, reclaim the culture. Turn off mindless entertainment. Pull your boys in particular out of feminized K-12 schools and universities. Restore the presumption in all your kids to get married young, for life, and raise families. Tell Big Business you’re sick of the feminized, leftist notions female-dominated corporate staffs are pushing.”
“Second, people respond to incentives. Conservatives should push to incentivize marriage and examine policies making men less marriageable. Like schools that crush boys' spirits and performance. And ‘diversity,’ which largely benefits white women over men of color.”
“And you need to find ways to reverse the two-decade decline in business formation, a primarily male enterprise that grows wealth and jobs – and frees put-upon men from the corporate diversity trap.”
“Wow. That’s a lot. Anything else?”
“Go back to sleep and rest up. You have years of work ahead of you.”
Photo credit: Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0) [cropped]
“President Biden, Chief of Staff Obama is here to see you with CIA Director Rice for your first briefing. FBI Director Demings is with them.”
“Michelle, Susan, Val, c’mon in! What’s going on in the world?”
“Well, I picked off where my January 20, 2017 memo left off. We’re reopening the investigation of the Trump Administration’s ties to Russia. ‘All by the book, of course.’”
“We’ve already picked up Michael Flynn. Not to mention ‘The Donald,’ his whole Cabinet and anyone who worked for him. We’ve contacted the IRS and already got FBI teams combing through his tax records. We’ll be figuring out what the various charges are at any time.”
“Great work. Anything going on in the world I need to know about and prioritize? Russian bounties in Afghanistan? Chinese viruses?”
“Nah. But we are cleaning up all of the records of Hunter’s dealings with Burisma and China.”
“Excellent. Michelle, who’s next?”
“Secretary of State Omar.”
“Bring her in. Ilhan, how are you? What do you have to report?”
“To start, we’re putting the final touches on your new Middle East Peace Plan. We’re sending troops to repatriate all the Jews to Germany, Poland and Russia where they have such historic ties, and will be recognizing the new state of Palestine next week.”
“Superb. Anything else?”
“Working on your state visits with President Rouhani to mark the resumption of the Iran nuclear deal and hand over some more pallets of cash, President Maduro to offer an official apology for sanctions and provide aid, and First Secretary Castro to resume relations and watch another baseball game.”
“That’s a pretty good first day’s effort. Congratulations and thanks. I see Attorney General Abrams next on my schedule. Stacey, are you there?”
“No, we’re connecting her by video link from Georgia.”
“Georgia? What are you doing down there?”
“I came down to clear up all the vote-tampering. We’ve locked up Brian Kemp for impersonating a governor and officially sworn me in as the real chief executive. I have a bunch of Executive Orders to sign and will officially resign tomorrow to take up my new job. But don’t worry, I’m getting a head start on that, too.”
“We’ve drawn up several Executive Orders for you to issue today: defunding police and eliminating cash bail nationwide, and replacing police departments with Black Lives Matters commissions and squads of social workers. Mandating national mail-in ballots and vote harvesting. Confiscating all weapons down to butter knives. And generally declaring it to be a civil rights violation to hire a straight white male – or be one.”
“Wonderful job. I see Rashida Tlaib. What’cha got for me from Homeland Security?”
“I have a couple Executive Orders of my own. Heck with DACA – we’re declaring instant amnesty and a path to citizenship for all undocumented immigrants; no need for sanctuary cities. And eliminating ICE, Customs and Border Protection and the detention centers, and replacing crossings with Welcome Centers. I hear they’re serving cookies.”
“Dynamite. Is that Alexandria and Ayanna at the door?”
“At your service.”
“What’s going on at EPA?”
“Green New Deal… done deal.”
“That was fast.”
“Well, it’s been two years now since I said we only had 12 years left. So no time to lose. Wait till you see the solar-powered train and boat we’re offering to replace Air Force One. You’ll have to stop every few miles for recharging, but someone has to lead the way.”
“That would be me. Secretary of Free Stuff Pressley – what’s going down at the old HHS?”
“We’ve already gotten Congress to pass free college, the universal public option – in other words, free health care, which we all know will be Medicare for All when it drives out all private insurance – and free pre-K. If we ever re-open from corona.”
“We for sure can’t do that yet. Do I have any other appointments?”
“Secretary of Indoctrination Hannah-Jones.”
“Nikole, you’ve got the Education Department name changed already?”
“You bet. And we’ve already gotten a letter out ordering every school and college to reinstate the Obama Administration policies mandating multi-sex bathrooms and locker rooms – not to mention gender-sensitive language – and presuming all male college students to be vile rapists. And of course, mailing out the 1619 Project curricula that will be required beginning this semester.”
“Fantastic. Hey, who’s that at the door?”
“Jill, can I come in yet?”
“No, Joe. Remember, honey, we talked about that. We really need you to stay down in the basement for our … I mean your … protection. It’s very dangerous out there. And put that muzzle … I mean mask … back on.”
News item: Joe Biden tweets, “We're going to beat Donald Trump. And when we do, we won't just rebuild this nation — we'll transform it.”
For those somehow unsure of what the former Veep means by “transformation,” (C)M offers this simple translation:
Transformation (to the tune of “Fascination”)
It is transformation, says Joe
That will drive his pres’dency right from the start
My, what could that be?
Just ask AOC
And dear Uncle Bernie, whose views rule his party.
What is transformation? We know
It’s the Nanny State ruling us from above.
It’s the Green New Deal and their Dem Socialism
Transformation is Big Guv.
We need transformation, says Joe
As the “moderate” who will beat Donald Trump.
Medicare for All
Border gates will fall
Lots and lots of “free” stuff paid for by you, Chump-ers.
From this transformation will flow
All the plans Liz Warren could ever think of
Make cops social workers, promote reparations
Transformation is Big Guv.
Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0) (cropped)
A Sad Rephrasing for the America of This July 4th: God Tests the USA (with apologies to Lee Greenwood)
With deepest apologies to Lee Greenwood, to the tune of God Bless the USA:
In an instant – seems the things are gone I'd lived with all my life
Judges tell us there are many sexes, not just man and wife.
I can’t believe the nation that I’m livin' in today
'Cause our flag is burning in the streets as they take our rights away.
And I'm sad to be an American in a land that once was free
As we now betray the men who died, who gave that right to me.
Can I dare to stand up next to you and state our ideals today?
We drown in doubt who loved this land –
As God tests the USA.
From the fires in Minnesota, to the looting in DC
Where we once stood tall as equals, now we’re asked to take a knee.
From Detroit down to Houston and New York to LA
We’ve become a cancel culture
As the courts strip Truth away.
So I'm sad to be an American in a land that once was free
As we tear down statues of great men, and rewrite history.
Can we ever stand up once again for the bles’t American Way?
Time’s running out for the land I loved –
As God tests the USA.
Yes, I'm sad to be an American in a land that once was free
Where Our Founders bravely risked their all for Life and Liberty.
Can we as one stand up trusting Him Who preserved us till today?
And all cry out who loved this land:
“God save the USA!”
Photo Credit: Jennifer Parr / CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)
Your (Conservative) Maestro has been around for a really long time orchestrating messaging and communications strategy for politicians, CEOs and other assorted types. He thinks he may have picked up a few things along the way.